


Memories

by Laurabella2930



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-14
Updated: 2015-12-14
Packaged: 2018-05-06 15:42:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5422661
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurabella2930/pseuds/Laurabella2930
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 4x09 fic. After the end Felicity wakes up from the gunshot wounds she has no memories of the past three to four years. She can't recall anyone not Diggle, or Thea or even the new relationship with her mother, the only person she can really recall is Oliver. After one night spent with Oliver she leaves her own fear pushing her out the door and away from someone that she can but still can't really remember. Felicity knows that she's in love with Oliver but what will it take for her to stop running and go back to the one person that her mind has chosen to hold onto.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. I own nothing in relation to Arrow or it's characters.

 

**Memories**

 

Mirrors were always good for showing what one never wanted to see. Felicity stared at her reflection for long arduous moments hoping to see some sign of the woman that she’d used to be. As usual the time was once again spent in vain. Felicity sighed as her eyes slipped down towards the blackened floor her toes were painted with a bright candy apple red; the color for some reason brought her a sense of comfort and peace. Her eyes crinkled at the sides as yet another sad reminder passed through her confused if not overworked mind. The doctor’s said the blood loss might be the cause or maybe it was the amount of time that she’d spent flat-lining as Oliver stood by watching as she died before him. 

She leaned forward as another wave of nausea hit her as they often did when her trapped memories once more attempted to surface. Her fingers gripped along the white edge of the rounded sink’s top the bright red of her fingernails made a sharp contrast as her vision once more began to blur. The images at first were blurred and fractured like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that had been lost to the vacuums of both time and space. Felicity’s grip weakened and waned as she slowly slipped down to the cold tile laden ground. Her knees came up to her chest as she once more wound her fingers through her disheveled hair. 

Her brow dampened as yet another lost piece of her tattered soul came flooding to the surface. 

_“Oliver come on honey we’ve got about ten more seconds before Thea comes bounding up those stairs in search of Star City’s next mayor.” Felicity pushed the edge of the earring’s hook into the small hole of her earlobe as she turned her head towards Oliver’s smiling face._

_She quirked an eyebrow in his direction as she stepped forward her hair was now once more secured in the simple but classic ponytail she often wore. His eyes remained fixed upon her moving form until she was mere inches from his waiting embrace. Felicity sighed contently into his chest as he pulled her forward his nose was now nestled firmly into the hollow of her throat. They swayed in place for a few precious moments before she said “Oliver baby we really do have to leave...and trust me that makes me even sadder than it does you.”_

_Felicity felt his sharp intake of breath before he grumbled out a low but still unfairly sensual “Fine but you’re not leaving my sight.” Felicity smiled into his cheek as her fingers wound slowly up through his close cropped hair. She pressed her pale colored lips to his scruffed jawline as he hummed in a mixture of pleasure but also relief.  Felicity hummed with same dueling emotions as his fingers traced their way up and down the line of her spine. She was about to say something about how they could just skip the event and spend the evening re-learning every single square inch of the others body when..._

_“Baby girl are two done yet?” Felicity blanched within Oliver’s arms as her mother’s sharp almost giddy voice rang out through the high vaulted ceilings of the lofts upper floor. She hid her face into the side of his neck as he huffed out a small but still audible laugh._

_Felicity swatted gently at the back of his head as she brought her hands down to the edges of his broad shoulders. Her nails dug deeply into the dark material of his coat. Taking a few more measured breaths Felicity waited until she was no longer ready to scream before she let out a loud “Mom we’re coming down stairs right now.”_

_Oliver’s lips graced over her forehead in soft chaste kiss before he murmured “I love you...” His palms were now over her shoulders as he pushed her back and then around his strong movements now propelled them down the lofts often welcoming stairs._

* * *

 

As always after the memory passed she felt sated but lost each time the memories were brighter and stronger than the last. Felicity opened her eyes the world before her was blurred and dimmed as her knees uncurled from her curled and emotional drained body. With her back now flat on the cool surface of the bathroom’s floor she let her eyes once more close as she allowed the coolness beneath her to ebb and erode away at the heat of her flushed and reddened skin. 

Again she measured out her breathes counting then down until her racing heart no longer felt as if it would come crashing through her still weakened rib cage. As she laid there waiting for the  edge of the memory to fade she once again recited what the doctor’s had said as they stood surrounding her small hospital bed. 

Their voices were cold and flat as they told her in an almost perfect monotone line that her injuries had been far worse than they’d first perceived. 

_“Ms. Smoak when your fiancé brought you into the ER you’d lost almost 2 liters of blood and you were rapidly approaching three. We believe that the massive blood loss when combined with the oxygen deprivation led to a slight amount of memory loss.”_

Felicity opened her eyes her vision was as always blurred but the edges were no longer as fuzzy or oddly shaped as they had been mere moments before. She allowed her mind to roll around those two nasty words. Those two words had cost her more than she would admit to remembering. Her hospital stay was long but her recovery was going to be far longer. Felicity could still feel the worried stares as each person who knew her before begged her with their sorrow filled eyes to remember them. 

First was a tall dark skinned man whose arms were thicker than her hips but his face was kind, gentle and concerned. His name still escaped her but the warmth in his eyes and gentleness of his touch had left a lasting impression. His words weren’t words but unexpressed sentiments of grief and loss. Felicity still squirmed within her own skin as she recalled the sadness that was laced in every movement he’d made as he walked back and forth before the small cramped hospital bed. Felicity leaned forward until her knees once again were pulled to her chest; her chin rested lightly against the sharp edged caps of the joints as she let her mind wander to the next nameless visitor. 

The woman had been slender, tall, but also striking in her understated beauty. Her words were simple hey’s and how are you’s she never veered any further away from those safe small sentiments. This one had been a little more daring than the man before her. He’d place a gentle hand over her scratchy hospital gown covered shoulders. This one however she’d actually pulled her into a small but still firm embrace. She smelled strange for a woman that much Felicity could clearly recall. Her soft hair held fragments of leather and lavender within the blonde highlighted strands. Her voice was soft but pained each time she reluctantly pulled away. 

The last of her visitor’s was another still nameless female. Felicity couldn’t really gauge her actual height but she guessed that perhaps she was maybe an inch or two shorter than Felicity if she was standing at her full 5′5 height. This one wasn’t like the others her face held no trace of despair or pain no this one was all light as she bounced into the room holding stacks and stacks of what appeared to be bridal magazines. Those dark eyes and light skin made her already angular features sharper but her beauty was clearly evident. While this younger woman never made any sort of physical contact she clearly had felt a closeness towards her that Felicity yearned to fully comprehend. 

Her body was now chilled and her mind was no less fogged so with an annoyed shrug she stood up her legs were still slightly wobbly but her fingers still worked just fine. So with a careful determination she gripped once more at edges of the pedestal sink and brought herself forward. This was always for Felicity the worst part of the visions, she was always so worn down and depleted after each horrid session that she often looked like a crazed drug addled psycho. Felicity glanced once more into the dreaded mirror and saw that her once tangle free hair was now damp with sweat and her eyes were once more bloodshot and swollen. Felicity turned on the sink and wetted her finger tips before she brought them through her tangled tresses. 

Felicity looked away from the clear flawless surface as she trudged through the small hotel room in search of the dress she’d picked out for the evening. Deep down she knew it was the right thing to do, she knew it was the only thing to do but sill she kept holding back. 

Jack was handsome, he was kind, he was funny, and best of all he didn’t look at her like she was his world. No Jack was uncomplicated so why is it that the very thought of putting on the red dress that was laid out across the rumpled unmade bed make her sick to her stomach? Why is it that the very thought of his eyes roaming up and down the length of her body make her quiver with disgust? Why is it that every single time she so much as glanced towards his sweet smiling face she wished it was another who  was staring back at her? 

She walked over her fingers running over the soft silk like material of the dress her mind racing as his name echoed through the hollows of her heart. Her eyes shut once more but this time she remained steady as her teeth drew in her bottom lip, this memory she’d chosen to relive, because this memory was only of him. 

_The room was dark and filled with the various shadows of the instruments overhead. Lowered beams of light and iron were now layered in hues of black, grey and blue. Felicity’s eyes fluttered open for perhaps the second or maybe third time in the past two days. Each time she’d woken all she could make out was the bright light of the stark hospital room. The sterile smell of iodine and antiseptic hit her senses each time her mind had chosen to wake. She’d been awake for mere moments each time she caught small words and if she was lucky she’d catch the full phrase but, just as suddenly as she’d awakened her mind would once more lull her back to a restless sleep._

_This time however was different, the room around her was muted and dull the voices were gone but a lone man remained. This one lone man always remained, he was there each time she’d managed to break through the fog of the wounds her body was healing from. This man had been holding her or touching her since the first moment she managed to regain even a second of consciousness. Felicity glanced over her body was trapped within his iron hold but her neck was still free to move as she rested her chin down against his forehead. The man next to her appeared to be tall; his sock covered feet were dangling over the side of the bed as he laid curled into her body on his left side. One arm was resting above her hand his still fingers were tangled within her matted blonde hair. The other arm was resting firmly atop her stomach those fingers were tangled in the loose folds of her hospital gown. Felicity’s lips curved into a small smile as she brought her small fingers up to trace along the stubble of his jaw. The whiskers tickled and pricked at the pads of her skin as she drew a small invisible line down the sharp angled bone until she reached the tip of his chin. His small even breathes were hot against the otherwise cool skin of her neck. His nose was pressed into the hollow of her throat; his lips were resting lightly against her skin._

_Felicity kept tracing her fingers along the lines and contours of his face her mind was awash with various visions and memories. Faces she should know kept passing by her as if she was in a speeding car, she attempted to catch more than a fleeting glance but all she could see was a hazy image as she raced by. His face, his face she however could see clear as day. All Felicity would have to do to see his face was close her eyes, moments later thousands of images would flood forth; all she had to do was choose the smile or the frown and the memory would flood forth. Felicity suspected that’s why she didn’t scream out in terror when she awoke to find him surrounding her injured form. She couldn’t describe the feeling’s his hold invoked in her, she couldn’t explain why the stranger beside her felt like home._

_Felicity inched down further into his touch her ribs still ached so she winced slightly as she attempted to touch her lips to his skin. He stirred his breathes changed from slow and steady to rapid and shallow his face that was once calm was now awash with pain. Felicity’s brow scrunched as she brought her palm up to his now exposed cheek, she didn’t understand why she felt the urge to comfort the person beside her. Her movements felt practiced and rehearsed as if she’d been doing this for years instead of never before. Then again as if her body was working independently of her confused brain she felt her IV laden arm attempt to move its goal was too far for the lines to stretch but still her arm continued to pull. His chest was rising and falling rapidly as he began to mutter in fast almost tortured screams...._

_“Felicity...Felicity come on baby....please baby please please don’t leave me....please please don’t leave me....”_

_Her heart ached and yearned all at once as she laid there within his arms the only comfort or solace she could provide was a simple kiss and two small words. Felicity leaned forward her chest constricting in pain as she fought to bring her lips down upon his brow his body was curled further into her own now as his tortured nightmares continued to increase in intensity. What followed left Felicity both shocked and confused. Her voice was strained and dry from the lack of use as she muttered out a small “I’m here....I’m here...”_

_Her lips were still resting against his brow as his hold on her weakened his breathes becoming slower as she continued to mutter those small lone words. He stopped shaking after a few more moments his nightmare passing with each word that she uttered into his skin. However this wasn’t what left her breathless or confused no what left her bewildered was when he let out a small soft whisper the sentiment made her heart begin to slightly glow._

_“I love you Felicity.” What Felicity said next she knew would eventually seal her fate._

_“I love you Oliver.”_

* * *

 

Felicity opened her eyes the dress was now curled around her fingers as she let her body slump down to the ground. 

Oliver...

All roads began and ended with Oliver. It was about three days later when the doctor gave his final proclamation. Her memory loss would be short term, he indicated that she’d get it back, that she’d be able to remember why she said I love you to a complete stranger. 

Felicity’s eyes once more began to water her phone kept buzzing the person on the other end apparently wasn’t taking the hint so she leaned over and stretched to grab the buzzing distraction from the room’s lone nightstand. She scowled it was Jack. Felicity glanced at the time and realized that it was now 45 minutes past the time that she was supposed to meet him at the little Italian restaurant that was down the street. She slid her finger over the green colored icon and pressed the brightly lit display to her ear his voice filled her with a cold eerie loneliness that made her wish she pressed ignore. 

“Felicity? Hey um are you ok? I thought we were supposed to meet at 6:30 and it’s now 7:15 so I was wondering if you were still coming?” 

He was sweet and simple so why couldn’t she make this work? Of course that question was a stupid one she knew why she couldn’t bring herself to do this, she knew why she’d missed the other two dates. Jack was a nice guy but he wasn’t the one she dreamed about, he wasn’t the one that made her heart hammer in her chest; he wasn’t the one who held her for days as she clung to life in that damn hospital bed, he wasn’t the one she was in love with. Fact was he wasn’t Oliver. 

“Ummm Felicity are you still there?” His voice wavered now as his own nerves crept slowly into his hesitant voice. 

Felicity sighed heavily into the phone and before she could answer Jack answered for her. 

“You need to talk to him Felicity.” She half laughed and half cried as she replied. 

“You make that sound so simple Jack...I...I...” Her throat became clogged as her tears continued to fall. 

Felicity had known Jack for about a month, they’d talked about her life and her accident, so of course Oliver had come up. Jack knew that something had happened between them but Felicity had never elaborated on what. She coughed and hiccupped as she struggled to bring her heart rate back under control. 

“Felicity...Felicity come on take a deep breath and listen to me.” His voice as always was calm and even, she’d stood him up for the third time and yet here he was telling her to take a deep breath. Felicity managed to eek out a small strangled “Okay.” Jack continued as Felicity listened. 

“Look I don’t know what happened between you two nor do I need to all I need to know is that you’ve spent the past month of your life without him when you didn’t have to. Felicity just talk to him, tell him how you feel, and for God sake’s let him in.” 

Felicity interrupted him when he said let him in. “It’s not about that Jack I’m more than willing to let him in...that’s not why I ran away.” She swallowed in the oxygen around her as she let the truth finally pass forth from her lips. 

“Jack I left him because I can remember him, I can’t remember anyone else but I can remember him...I could never forget him...never.” The silence on the other end told her that she might have just pushed away the only friend she might actually have left. 

She let out a small cautious “Jack?” As she leaned forward her forehead now rested against her knees. “I love him Jack, I couldn’t remember him at first that was true. He took me home and I looked around the space that we’d shared and I felt nothing. He took me to work, he held my hand and opened doors and still I felt nothing. He showed me the many parts of our shared life and the people that we both knew and loved and still I felt nothing but then...”

“Felicity you don’t have to explain its okay I don’t need to understand...” Felicity cut him off her voice was harder than she intended but the truth was finally freed and she refused to push it down any further. She said his name once more before she let the memories of that day finally wash over her. 

“Jack please just let me do this okay? Just let me tell someone that won’t look at me like I took one of the best things in my life and threw it away okay?” 

Jack’s small light laugh echoed over the phone when he replied “Felicity I can’t actually see you since I’m not there but since I’m listening you might as well keep going.” 

For the first time in weeks Felicity felt a real genuine smile come forth across her lips. “You’re a good man Jack.” Her sentiments for once didn’t sit against her chest with the twinge of regret. 

He let out a low sigh as he said “I was in love once Felicity and I let her walk out of my life because I thought that loosing parts of yourself to the person you loved was wrong. I’ve spent two years regretting that decision and I don’t want you to carry around that same regret.” 

Felicity nodded against her knees as her voice cracked her memories of another very similar speech suddenly came flooding back. “I’d fallen asleep on the couch I must have been exhausted from trying to remember the missing pieces of my life. I was curled up on the couch when I felt these two massive arms lifting me into a warm solid chest. Jack I felt safe, and loved but most of all I felt...” 

“You felt like you were home.” Jack’s voice encouraged her to keep going. 

Felicity laughed lightly as she eked out a small and also slightly embarrassed “Are you sure this is okay?” 

“Felicity you don’t need to tell me the truth you need to tell him.” 

“What if he doesn’t understand, what if he thinks that I lied on purpose?” Felicity’s form was shaking once more as she waited for his response. Felicity expected him to say something sweet or even something endearing but instead her Sir Galahad decided to say what Oliver himself had said not so long ago.

“Felicity if he’s your home then why the hell are you wasting time talking to me? Go home Felicity leave that hotel room and go home.” 

Jack didn’t give her a chance to respond he ended the call before she had the chance to say a small but sincere “thank you...” Felicity glanced down at the screen it was a little past eight. She recalled that Oliver had been gone during the evening hours which gave her plenty of time to wander about the loft on her own before that one fateful night. She smiled softly as an idea began to form in her head. Oliver wouldn’t be home for another few hours yet, so with a renewed sense of self she stood up and grabbed the dress she’d planned on wearing before; but this time the dress actually made it past the door.

* * *

 

Felicity’s memories of Oliver might be rapidly resurfacing but her other memories were an entirely different story. Felicity sat in the back of the cab as she typed in the name of the building that some very kind man named Curtis had written down for her. She waited as the phone brought up the fastest possible route as the driver pulled away from the hotel’s curb. Felicity used the 10 to 15 minute drive to glance over the thousands of ignored text messages and voicemails from her mother. 

Her mother that was perhaps the worst part of this whole ordeal. Her sweet often befuddled mother had been by her side just like Oliver had been. She of course Felicity could recall but what she now lacked was the closeness that the two of them had apparently found. Felicity scrolled through message after message of please call me, or sweetie just talk to him, baby he loves you, each message was more desperate than the last. The weight that had settled firmly in her chest that her heart to heart with Jack had helped ease had returned as she once more faced what her fear had caused her to do. Her finger hovered over the reply button as the cab slowly edged closer to the loft’s front entrance. She was about to press the still small harmless button when the driver called out a small “Ma’am we’re here.” 

Felicity glanced up as the driver looked back at her from the mirror his wrinkled edged eyes seemed warm and disarming as she fished out the money for the fare. 

“This should be enough to cover it.” Her voice stalled in the throat when she realized she didn’t know his name. “I’m sorry and your name is?” 

The middle aged grey haired man smiled softly as he reached back to take the few bills she still held. His lips were thin and pale as he said “Jackson my name is Jackson but most people call me Jack. Is there anything else I can do for you ma’am?” 

Felicity’s heart beat widely in her chest the names she felt for sure were a sign that she’d finally chosen the right path. She smiled back her now free fingers reached up to push a few strands of hair back behind her ear as she glanced down to the cab’s floor. 

“No Jack you’ve done more than you know. You have a nice evening okay?” Her voice was soft but clear as she spoke her face still pointed down as she fished around the small purse looking for the codes to the loft’s security doors. 

Once more the man spoke his tone soft and sure. “Will do ma’am and if you could would you tell that beau of yours that this city is grateful for what he’s doing. It’s been a long time since I’ve really seen this city come together they way that it has.” He chuckled to himself as he let out his last thought. “I never would have thought that that once troubled young man would become such a beacon of light for this city.” He looked at her once more his final parting words made the weight once more disappear from her chest. “I think that light has a lot to do with you miss. This city thanks you as well he’s a better man for having chosen to keep you by his side.” 

Felicity smiled and her response for once was layered with nothing but confidence. “We both are Jack because we both chose each other.” She shook the man’s outstretched hand as she opened the door and departed from the cab. 

The doormen both nodded in greeting as she waltzed through the buildings front door. Her creme colored coat was still bundled tightly around her as she smiled quickly in reply. Glancing down at Curtis’s handwriting she noted that the code and the floor of her home was written not in his handwriting but to her overwhelming shock her own. Felicity didn’t recall making the notation but she often didn’t recall what happened when the memories that still remained trapped in her mind decided to make an unexpected appearance. She entered the opening elevator doors and pressed the button for the top floor. 

She glanced up and watched as the numbers became larger and larger each floor she passed was a floor closer to her truth. The car dinged as the doors drifted open Felicity stepped out but had to grab at the side of the wall as her mind once more drifted back to the first time she’d come home. 

_“Felicity the doctor’s said that being around the familiar might help hasten this process along and frankly I’d like my fiancé back, so please?” She shifted her eyes in his general direction before she glared at his cute curved lips. She might not recall anything about the life they shared but she had a sneaking suspicion that this maneuver had worked before._

_She felt his hand come down to the small of her back as he reached forward to open the door. His arm brushed up against her own causing her to tremble not with fear but excitement. Oliver must have felt this and looked over his palm frozen on the steel knob. “Hey are you alright? We can do this later if you’d like?” His voice wasn’t angry or hurt just concerned and gentle as his eyes attempted to convey every emotion that his words couldn’t say._

_She shuddered once more as she pursed her lips together, Felicity was scared of the draw she felt towards him but, she was also intrigued as well. “Oliver just open the door okay? I too would like nothing more than to once again be your Felicity.” His eyes crinkled slightly as he shook away what Felicity felt was perhaps a memory. She reached up to touch his cheek as she said “Hey did I say something wrong?” Her fingers were lightly touching the stubble laden skin of his jawline when he leaned into her soft touch. His eyes closed and his voice shook._

_“No Felicity you just reminded me of something I said to you not so very long ago that’s all.” His eyes opened as his hand left her lower back and came to rest on the hand that was now fully cupping his cheek. He lifted her hand up and down as he pressed a small kiss to the inside of her palm. Felicity blushed as he smiled the door swung open as he brought their hands down to their sides his fingers now gently twining with her own._

Felicity’s balance returned moments later as the memory drifted away. She’d asked the doctors if the dizzy or fainting spells would ever fully dissipate and the only response they could give was a small “Yes Ms. Smoak with time but your injuries were quite severe so it might take longer than we expected.” They’d said two weeks but now those two weeks had changed to become four. Felicity’s head pounded as she slowly guided herself along the halls long walls her goal now just mere feet from her present location. 

With her hand now on the knob she turned as the door swung open as it had done before but this time the sight before her drastically altered. Felicity stepped forward into the heavy, dust filled air. She glanced around the wide expanse of the living space looking for any signs of life to find none. The fireplace that night had been lit, the flames light bounced off the walls creating a warm cozy glow throughout the entirety of the room before her. Now the room was dark and dull, the warmth from before was lost to the staleness of the air that now surrounded her. Felicity’s shoes clacked loudly against the floor’s wooden floors, she moved over towards the massive open kitchen her fingers drifted over the once pristine counter tops. She saw the line her finger created as she kept moving down along the island. Her eyes searched for one lone object that would answer all her unspoken questions. It was hard to see in the darkness of the night but the ring she knew would catch any lingering light the massive windows could provide. 

She stopped in place when she saw it; the smooth metal glinted lightly beneath the soft glow of the moon form overhead. She moved slowly towards it afraid that it might vanish if she moved to quickly. Her hand hovered over the large diamond encrusted band as her heart once more beat rapidly within her still bruised chest. Felicity had often woken from a dead sleep and been disappointed when she glanced down to her left ring finger only to find the skin was bare. Now all she had to do was reach out and pick it up. All she had to do was pick it up and slip it back into place; the only problem was she wanted Oliver to be the one to slip the ring back in place. She wanted Oliver to be the one to accept her truth but also the long road that still lay before them. 

Felicity left the ring were it was as she slowly drifted towards the once welcoming stairs. Each step was harder than the last as the memories from that night threatened to flood once more to the surface. 

Felicity looked around the room to see that nothing had changed. The bed was still the same small cramped bed that they’d bought just so they’d have to snuggle close together at night. She reached out and with her left hand to find the dimmer for the lights. She pushed it up halfway her breath froze in her chest when she saw what lay before her. Piles of pictures and clothing lay littered on one side while the other side was ruffled and disrupted the space looked slept on but never slept in. She moved closer removing her jacket as she approached what was still their bed. Placing the coat on the side with all the other various items she bent down until her fingers were brushing along the shiny surfaces of the various photographs before her. 

Each of them was a candid shot of her, or of them but none of just him. She was smiling, and she was happy but more importantly so was he. Picture after picture she went through them all before she stood walking over towards the other side of the bed. She bent down kicking her shoes off as she curled her knees beneath her the memory from that night now rested at the edge of her rapidly fraying subconscious. She slid down on her side until her head was against the pillow; her eyes slid shut as she finally allowed her walls to come crumbling down. 

* * *

 

_“Oliver...Oliver? Oliver!” Felicity’s shrill screams filled the otherwise silent room as she thrashed around beneath the thin sheet she still managed to keep on. Her fingers clawed at the space around her as the tears came steaming down from her tightly shut eyes. Her body was riddled with pain as the shots kept finding a home within her slim body. Sharp, and pungent were the words that came to mind as the smell of gunpower mixed with the smell of Oliver’s cologne as he attempted to keep her shielded from harm. Her ears kept ringing as she felt his warmth and weight slide forward her body was left open to attack as he reached the front seat. The car lurched forward as Felicity screamed the pain of the impending gunfire hit her full force as the bullet entered her right side._

_Felicity’s cries became softer and weaker as the memory finally died down. She felt Oliver’s hands coming down to rest upon her face his words broke past the pain and settled deep down into her heart. “Felicity...hey baby I’m here, I’m right here Felicity, I’m right here you’re safe now, you’re safe....you’re safe baby you’re safe.”_

_Felicity opened her tired bloodshot eyes as her hands came up to rest upon his own. Her breathing leveled out as she looked into those bright blue endless orbs. She saw his lips move as a small “Shhh Felicity its okay I’m here, I’m right here baby I’m not leaving you, I’m never leaving you.”_

_She nodded beneath his touch as she used her grip to bring him closer her heart was still pounding within her chest as his eyes watched her with utter confusion. Still he let her pull his face down to hers; he let her pull him until their lips touched. The kiss started off small, Felicity wanted to feel him; she wanted to taste him as she’d done in her visions and dreams. She wanted to be with him, within him and surrounding him, all she wanted in this moment was him. Her fingers trailed down towards his hips as she traced his bottom lip with her tongue. She felt his pulse racing right along with hers as his restraint lessened his body now hovered over her own as her fingers glided over his pants buckle. Her fingers undid the button swiftly; the zipper wasn’t far from being down when Oliver pulled back._

_His chest heaved above her own as he asked “Felicity we can’t...you’ll...God baby you’ll regret this in the morning and I don’t want you to run from me, I never want you to run from me Felicity...never.” His voice weakened with his last words as she moved her ring wearing hand up and down the length of his rapidly elongating shaft. She arched her back up and forward until she had enough leverage to grab at the collar of his shirt her lips crashed against his until she felt her lungs begging for air. She pulled back his pupils were blown with desire as she continued to stoke him with her other hand. She wrapped her legs around his waist as she uttered what would be her last spoken words. “I want you and I love you so please Oliver please just be with me...show me what I mean to you Oliver, show me that you want and love me to.”_

_Oliver was about to respond when she cut him off his words died upon her lips as she began to move roughly against him. Over and over again she pulled him back as she attempted to stop what he knew would make her run. Felicity didn’t care her mind was running in a thousand different directions as she removed every last vestige of clothing they had on. His resistance died the moment she grabbed his hand and pushed it down between her thighs. He shuddered against her as he swiftly pushed one and then two fingers into her hot molten core. Felicity screamed as her nails raked down his exposed back. The muscles flexed and moved beneath her touch as his lips dove down to muffle her loud lengthy screams._

_She felt him finally join her when she slid down upon him; her body ached to feel the release that their union was mere seconds from causing. He held her as he pushed in and out of her, each hard well timed thrust left her sated and begging for more all at once as she cradled his head in her arms. Their chests brushed together in a rapid symphony of bliss as he peppered small light kisses to her jawline. Her legs were wound around him his thighs served as her seat as moved faster and faster and faster until she felt her spine tingle and split within her lower back. She was panting loudly against his ear as the sweat from their two bodies mixed each of them was close to their breaking point when she heard him utter out a small soft “I love you...” into the hollow of her neck. Moments later her walls tightened as her body quivered with desire, she fell upon him in a heap of pleasure and exhaustion his arms closing around her as they each settled into the other’s warmth. Felicity felt safe and content as he pressed small chaste kisses to her brow her body was relaxed and limp as she laid across his chest her own lips left a trail of kisses upon his dampened skin. Oliver might be right this might have been a massive mistake but in that moment Felicity for the first time since she’d woken up finally felt like she was home._

* * *

 

Felicity felt her blood coursing rapidly through her veins as their last shared moments ebbed slowly from her mind. The next morning she’d woken up her body was still tightly wrapped around his own but her instead of feeling happy and sated she now felt lost and confused. She hadn’t lied to Oliver she knew she was in love with him but the reasons why were still out of place. Their history was still all mixed up and confused while the other people in her life were still nothing more than faces in a picture. She’d crept out of the bed and padded out to the stairs. She’d left him the ring and a note that’s all she’d done for the man who held her past, present and future in his hands. She’d run just like he thought she would which once more proved that she’d chosen the right man, now if only she could remember why he’d also chosen her. 

Felicity stared up at the ceiling and remained still when she heard the front door slam shut. The harsh sound startled her but she remained still knowing that he’d soon wander up the stairs. Her chest heaved with anticipation as she sat up her fingers coiled together in a tight knot of nerves as her she saw the shadow of his form approaching her own. 

His face looked drawn and tired as he slowly trudged forward his hand passed over his face as he released a long tortured sigh. “Are you planning on running from me this time?” 

She looked up at him as he stared her down. She uttered a small “How?” as he approached her. 

Without a trace of happiness or even a small note of relief he said “I saw the line you drew on the counter top. Also our doormen were thrilled to see that my wife had finally come home.” Felicity felt all the wind whoosh freely from her lungs. 

“Wife?” He nodded curtly as he came around to where she was seated on the bed. 

Oliver loomed before her his hands running rapidly over his face as he sighed in anger. “I proposed Felicity, I gave you my heart in front of hundreds of people and you said yes...then I spent countless days holding you as you clung to life in that damn bed only to have you wake up in my arms but with no memory as to why I’m holding you.” 

She tried to speak but Oliver held up his hand silencing her before her lips ever parted. His own pain was now boiling over as his voice deepened and changed. Oliver no longer sounded angry now he sounded hurt.  “We made love Felicity, it wasn’t just meaningless sex between two strangers it was us you and me and I know that you felt it, I know that it scared you but damnit why did you run? Why did you try to start a new life when I would have given you the entire planet if you‘d asked for it.” Oliver sighed once more as Felicity tried to reach out towards him; the need to feel him beneath her grew stronger with each word that passed between them. He stopped pacing before her his eyes now boring straight down to her soul as he whispered “I would have done whatever you asked of me Felicity, I would have done anything if only you hadn’t run.” The pain in his voice heightened as the deep baritone of his voice shifted his pain was now going to be on full display. “Do you have any idea what that felt like? Do you know that I reached for you the next morning; did you know that I spent hours combing this damn city looking for you? I had to stand behind a plane of glass as you told me you loved me, your lungs were filling with poison and I couldn’t save you, I held your body in my arms for days as you shifted in and out of consciousness. I went through hell and you ran, you ran when you felt just a tenth of what I feel for you do you have any idea how that makes me feel?” 

Felicity eyes slammed shut as the sting of her own tears pricked at the edges of her lids. She knew she’d caused him pain hell she’d put her soul through misery as she attempted to reclaim what was left of her life. She glanced up slowly Oliver was still there his arms crossed over his chest as his square jaw remained set in what she could only assume was utter anguish. She uncoiled her legs from beneath her body and slowly stood, her pulse raced as she watched him remain still. Slowly she reached out until she felt his skin beneath her own. His warmth made her eyes close as she edged her palm over his exposed cheek. He didn’t budge he remained frozen in place as she stepped closer her other hand rested against his forearm her eyes starred deeply into his own.

Her chest heaved as her ribs cracked her body was still healing but then again so was her heart. With an unsteady voice she said “I never meant to hurt you, but do you have any idea what it was like for me?” Oliver looked down the curve of his face now shifted to nuzzle gently against her outstretched palm. His soft response made her pulse rate quicken once more. “No I was too distracted by the fact that you weren’t next me sleeping in my arms.” She smiled softly before replying “I woke up in your arms in that room Oliver and I didn’t scream. Did you ever stop to consider why?”

Oliver’s brow furrowed in confusion as he unfolded his arms and moved to push a few strands of loose hair behind her ear. “Felicity are you sure you want to talk about this?” Oliver’s tone was clear he knew that they were both on the precipice of either growing stronger together or growing even further apart. Felicity nodded as she brought her hand over his own. She leaned into his touch before she said “Oliver I’ve spent more time than I care to admit denying that I’m in love with you and it took someone else wanting to spend time with me to realize that I’d only ever wanted you. So yes Oliver I want to do this I want you to understand why I ran and I want to you to understand why I came back.” Felicity gulped as her emotions began to take hold. “Oliver I can’t recall every aspect of our life together or even apart it’s like the last three to four years are a disorganized puzzle that was mixed in with about a thousand other puzzles.”

Oliver’s voice interrupted her for a few moments with a small “Felicity…” She recalled from one of her many visions that this tone was used when she was beginning to babble on. She stifled a small grin before she finished her rambling thought. “Oliver I remember moments with you, I remember feelings, and events with you but I don’t’ recall them with anyone else. Oliver I remember you I just can’t place it all in the right order…but I want to. Oliver I want our life back.” Oliver moved towards her his own blue eyes were deeper than her memory had recalled his soft smile was even more perfect than any daydream could have ever depicted. He lowered his lips to her brow as he whispered gently into her skin. “Just promise me that no matter what happens you won’t run again.”

Felicity pulled him towards her as she buried her face into his hard chest. The soft cotton of his shirt when mixed with his own unique scent made her palms sweat. A small lithe smile graced her lips as she responded with a low “How about I promise to stay and you promise to be patient.”

The small smile against her brow told her that eventually they’d be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say Hi to me on Tumblr! @laurabelle2930


End file.
